Q: What should you do during GW—Golden Week—Japan’s weeklong national holiday (Wiki) this week when vacation/travel prices triple?
do-mall_logoA: DO! MALL!


In case you were wondering why this “DO! MALL!” looks familiar. The AEON malls’ campaign girl is Kill Bill’s Gogo Yubari aka Chiaki Kuriyama (Wiki) .

Previous Golden Week reports on the 3Yen include:


Carp Energy® — w0oT!~

carp energy drink japan baseball
CARP product ranking, Hiroshima brand shop
(the official website’s bizarro translation)
the tenth place goes to Carp Energy®…this cheerful infusion drink has the “Soul of Red” which is the motto of the spirit of Hiroshima citizens in their carp-loving prefecture

And, if Carp Energy® is not enough fun for you, Hiroshima branded “Carp Wine” and “Carp beer” are available too!


carp-uniform-One of the fun things about living in Japan but being from Chicago is that logo for the Hiroshima Toyo Carp baseball team is the Japanese-Bizarro World version of my hometown Chicago Cubs team.

Hiroshima Carp vs Chicago Cubs

It’s a hoot to wander around Chicago on vacation wearing this Cubs-looking cap from an alternative universe that reads “CARP” on the back.


Ok, ok, I suppose the logo of the Hiroshima Carp is just a rip-off of the Cincinnati Reds (Wiki), but I prefer telling Chicago folks that the Hiroshima CARP are Japan’s Bizarro World version of the Cubs (even though the Hiroshima CARP have been losers* forever like the Cubs).



Bread Bed & Beyond … from Japan

Speaking of tasteless “house-makings” aka kagu/家具 (furniture)…

Time To Chill On Some Bread Chairs / April 2015
…Nitori offers a line up of bread themed furniture which has become a popular series. These bread chairs are reclining and can be set to 5 different angles…available on the Nitori website, for a decently cheap price of ¥3800...more


Previous reports crappy kagu cum funiture on the 3Yen include:


Taco Bell Japan’s no-Access Rap

The new Tokyo Taco Bell is the first in world to have stairs to prevent those pesky handicapped people from entering. (See 1:28 in the video.)

Click to play video.

Previous reports tako/taco reports on the 3Yen include:

tako-in-japanese Note:
Besides Taco Bell Japan’s new no-handicapped-access store, the “lame” joke is that the word tako (タコ) in Japanese means octopus and fittingly can be slang for a “stupid person.”

Getting nosy in Japan

Freaky-fraudulent Japanese nose improvement devices are one of the most commented on topics* here on the 3Yen over the years.
Even though these quack health items are useless, torturous nose clamps like the Hanahana nose reformer attract much interest from the nasally challenged in Japan.

Today I was delighted to stumble across a new torture device marketed to fight the Japanese phobia of having a too small nose, the COPONG™.
copong-ad how-to-use-copong

Aside from the fun of ramming a springy nasal splint up your nose, I was trying to figure out why it is obtrusively colored black. It would seem a black device would be highly noticeable.

It turns out that this black device is from the US where the Nose Secret “Instant Results Reshape Your Nose Kit” was developed for the Afro-American market.

black-beauty nose

*Previous nosy reports on the 3Yen include:
   • ‘Nose Up’! (3Yen / 2010-08-03)
   • Matter of perspective in Japan (3Yen / 2010-08-12)
   • Japanese NOSE ELECTROCUTION! (3Yen / 2009-10-03)
   • HanaHana™ Get your big nose beauty! (3Yen / 2005-07-04)
   • Vibrator glasses for a “taller” nose (3Yen / 2005-01-21/)

Cool Japan flops — bust in Malaysia

The Japanese government’s “Cool Japan” initiative seeking to exploit the commercial capital of the country’s culture industry (Wiki) seems to be a bust in Malaysia.

Mall selling sexy dolls bust-ed / April 9, 2015
In a successful bust, the [Malaysian] Home Ministry’s Al-Quran Text and Publishing Control Division seized RM14,234.20 worth of prohibited and obscene [Japanese] material from a popular shopping mall in Petaling Jaya.busted-sexy-doll-text         More…

culture-japan photo credit:

Previous reports of the government’s “Cool Japan” initiative on the 3Yen include:
   • Cool Japan Expo in Paris is full of K-pop! (3Yen / 2014-07-24)
   • Is Japan Cool? Toilets! (3Yen / 2012-03-07)
   • ‘Gross National Cool’ as Japan’s foreign policy (3Yen / )

An utterly Japanese business dilemma

Today’s Japanese business dilemma is:
What kind nipples to put on a male, Japanese, ball-jointed doll sold for mastibatory activities?

quoter leftPlease choose the udder design for Smart Doll 005 Eiji Seiun.quoter right
utter-choicesスマド星雲永時くんのB地区造形を選んでください。— Danny Choo (@dannychoo) April 8, 2015

Previous Nippon nipple news the 3Yen has uncovered…
   • All the nipples, Japanese… (3Yen / 2012-03-23)
   • Noodles’n’Nipples (3Yen / 2011-02-18)
   • Nip Wars! (3Yen / 2005-03-05)


Japan, always at the forefront of innovation…


Always at the forefront of innovation, the beat-off brainiacs at Tenga are now offering the:
quoter leftNew Tenga “Vacuum Controller” fleshlight features converter for international sizes.quoter right

New Tenga "Vacuum Controller" fleshlight features converter for international sizes. tenga-tokyoscum— Ceiling Gallery (@tokyoscum) March 20, 2015

Previous reports of Japan’s high-tech Tenga on the 3Yen include:masterbateathon choke a chicken
   • Tenga temptations are in the pocket
          (3Yen / 2014-04-29)
   • Japan beats off all to win the
          ‘Red Dot Award: Product Design 2012′

             (3Yen / 2012-03-18)
   • Japan ‘relief’ (3Yen / 2011-06-21)
   • Transformer TENGA twisto (3Yen / 2011-09-21)
   • Danny Choo waxes his dolphin (3Yen / 2010-07-17)
   • Japan beats (off) all! ( / 2008-05-30)