DO! GOGO!

Q: What should you do during GW—Golden Week—Japan’s weeklong national holiday (Wiki) this week when vacation/travel prices triple?
do-mall_logoA: DO! MALL!

do-mall-combo

In case you were wondering why this “DO! MALL!” looks familiar. The AEON malls’ campaign girl is Kill Bill’s Gogo Yubari aka Chiaki Kuriyama (Wiki) .
kuriyama-chiaki


Previous Golden Week reports on the 3Yen include:

 


Carp Energy® — w0oT!~

carp energy drink japan baseball
CARP product ranking, Hiroshima brand shop
(the official website’s bizarro translation)
the tenth place goes to Carp Energy®…this cheerful infusion drink has the “Soul of Red” which is the motto of the spirit of Hiroshima citizens in their carp-loving prefecture

And, if Carp Energy® is not enough fun for you, Hiroshima branded “Carp Wine” and “Carp beer” are available too!

carp-wine-beer

carp-uniform-One of the fun things about living in Japan but being from Chicago is that logo for the Hiroshima Toyo Carp baseball team is the Japanese-Bizarro World version of my hometown Chicago Cubs team.

Hiroshima Carp vs Chicago Cubs
hiroshima-toyo-carp-vs-cubs-baseball-cap_front

It’s a hoot to wander around Chicago on vacation wearing this Cubs-looking cap from an alternative universe that reads “CARP” on the back.

hiroshima-toyo-carp-vs-cubs-baseball-cap_rear

Cincinnati-Reds-cap
Ok, ok, I suppose the logo of the Hiroshima Carp is just a rip-off of the Cincinnati Reds (Wiki), but I prefer telling Chicago folks that the Hiroshima CARP are Japan’s Bizarro World version of the Cubs (even though the Hiroshima CARP have been losers* forever like the Cubs).

NLC-Uniform-CIN

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Bread Bed & Beyond … from Japan

Speaking of tasteless “house-makings” aka kagu/家具 (furniture)…

bread-chair_3
Time To Chill On Some Bread Chairs
Japanista.com / April 2015
…Nitori offers a line up of bread themed furniture which has become a popular series. These bread chairs are reclining and can be set to 5 different angles…available on the Nitori website, for a decently cheap price of ¥3800...more

bread-bed-and-beyond

Previous reports crappy kagu cum funiture on the 3Yen include:

 


Taco Bell Japan’s no-Access Rap

The new Tokyo Taco Bell is the first in world to have stairs to prevent those pesky handicapped people from entering. (See 1:28 in the video.)

Click to play video.
no-access_rap
no-access-rap-intro

Previous reports tako/taco reports on the 3Yen include:

tako-in-japanese Note:
Besides Taco Bell Japan’s new no-handicapped-access store, the “lame” joke is that the word tako (タコ) in Japanese means octopus and fittingly can be slang for a “stupid person.”
 


Getting nosy in Japan

HanaHana
Freaky-fraudulent Japanese nose improvement devices are one of the most commented on topics* here on the 3Yen over the years.
nose-clamp._SL75_
Even though these quack health items are useless, torturous nose clamps like the Hanahana nose reformer attract much interest from the nasally challenged in Japan.

Today I was delighted to stumble across a new torture device marketed to fight the Japanese phobia of having a too small nose, the COPONG™.
copong-ad how-to-use-copong

Aside from the fun of ramming a springy nasal splint up your nose, I was trying to figure out why it is obtrusively colored black. It would seem a black device would be highly noticeable.
s-m-l-nose-splint

It turns out that this black device is from the US where the Nose Secret “Instant Results Reshape Your Nose Kit” was developed for the Afro-American market.

black-beauty nose

*Previous nosy reports on the 3Yen include:
   • ‘Nose Up’! (3Yen / 2010-08-03)
   • Matter of perspective in Japan (3Yen / 2010-08-12)
   • Japanese NOSE ELECTROCUTION! (3Yen / 2009-10-03)
   • HanaHana™ Get your big nose beauty! (3Yen / 2005-07-04)
   • Vibrator glasses for a “taller” nose (3Yen / 2005-01-21/)
 


Cool Japan flops — bust in Malaysia

cool-japan-180x
The Japanese government’s “Cool Japan” initiative seeking to exploit the commercial capital of the country’s culture industry (Wiki) seems to be a bust in Malaysia.

Mall selling sexy dolls bust-ed
thestar.com / April 9, 2015
In a successful bust, the [Malaysian] Home Ministry’s Al-Quran Text and Publishing Control Division seized RM14,234.20 worth of prohibited and obscene [Japanese] material from a popular shopping mall in Petaling Jaya.busted-sexy-doll-text         More…

culture-japan photo credit: dannychoo.com

Previous reports of the government’s “Cool Japan” initiative on the 3Yen include:
   • Cool Japan Expo in Paris is full of K-pop! (3Yen / 2014-07-24)
   • Is Japan Cool? Toilets! (3Yen / 2012-03-07)
   • ‘Gross National Cool’ as Japan’s foreign policy (3Yen / )
 


An utterly Japanese business dilemma

Today’s Japanese business dilemma is:
What kind nipples to put on a male, Japanese, ball-jointed doll sold for mastibatory activities?

quoter leftPlease choose the udder design for Smart Doll 005 Eiji Seiun.quoter right
utter-choicesスマド星雲永時くんのB地区造形を選んでください。— Danny Choo (@dannychoo) April 8, 2015


Previous Nippon nipple news the 3Yen has uncovered…
   • All the nipples, Japanese… (3Yen / 2012-03-23)
   • Noodles’n’Nipples (3Yen / 2011-02-18)
   • Nip Wars! (3Yen / 2005-03-05)

 


Japan, always at the forefront of innovation…

tenga-vacuum

Always at the forefront of innovation, the beat-off brainiacs at Tenga are now offering the:
quoter leftNew Tenga “Vacuum Controller” fleshlight features converter for international sizes.quoter right

New Tenga "Vacuum Controller" fleshlight features converter for international sizes. tenga-tokyoscumhttps://t.co/8ZKanYb7eo pic.twitter.com/e9oQt9urpo— Ceiling Gallery (@tokyoscum) March 20, 2015

Previous reports of Japan’s high-tech Tenga on the 3Yen include:masterbateathon choke a chicken
   • Tenga temptations are in the pocket
          (3Yen / 2014-04-29)
   • Japan beats off all to win the
          ‘Red Dot Award: Product Design 2012′

             (3Yen / 2012-03-18)
   • Japan ‘relief’ (3Yen / 2011-06-21)
   • Transformer TENGA twisto (3Yen / 2011-09-21)
   • Danny Choo waxes his dolphin (3Yen / 2010-07-17)
   • Japan beats (off) all! (3Yen.com / 2008-05-30)