Rakuten, Japan’s biggest electronic commerce and Internet company1 has an ENDLESS [engrish] CHALLENGE™ with their Englishnization2 policy making all its employees conduct business in English.
1Refer to: wikipedia.org/wiki/Rakuten
2Refer to The Japan Times (2015-05-23): Rakuten forges ahead in English
3Refer to: wikipedia.org/wiki/X_Japan
Our previous engrish and Rakuten reports include:
♬~ I Really Really Really Really Like You extra Moist Diane.
″ Non-silicon playtime is squeaky—oil is sticky. It’s common sense to approach nether-hair care of the next generation. A smooth soap-job provides comfort without being too squeaky. Then, a good lube job can gently dirt the hair, oil treatment to penetrate deeply. Uniquely formulated lube without stickiness provides a slippery sleek finish-cum-happy ending.″
For more fun with Japanese-engrish, check out:
Wait. It gets better than the teddy bear character FaFa-kun‘s “Oriental Woody” (ファーファ オリエンタル ウッディ). He will, ″make it all white©″.
BEAVIS: Heh heh. Heh heh. He said WOOD. Heh heh.
BUTTHEAD: Hey Beavis. They like, UH-huh UH-huh UH-huh, they found your phallus. It’s two inches long. UH-huh. UH-huh. UH-huh.
—from Beavis and Butthead, “The Mystery of Morning Wood”
Previous puerile posts of Japanese “wood” include:
A long-time friend of the 3Yen reports…
So there's now a Japanese fashion magazine called Hail Mary: The Formation Book for Mr. Untouchable.
—The Hopeful Monster (@SublightMonster) 2016-06-08
The official website of “Hail Mary” for mens fashion describes its mission as:
″ …a Formation book for 'Mr. Untouchable' ... who wants to be the real man with intelligence and wild (sic) like James Bond or Indy Jones.″
The Tokyo Metro Manners poster is all wet this month.
With much derp, the Tokyo Metro seems to want us to “drop” our umbrellas during Japan’s rain season (rather than taking care that our umbrellas don’t drip on others).
The strange part of this Metro poster’s engrish mistake is that the Tokyo Metro has a complete staff of interpreters who work at the subway’s information desks. However, somehow all the people in the PR department who make the posters forgot to have someone check the poster’s English, sheesh.
Previous drippy reports of the rainy season in Japan include:
Everyday I get fun engrish advertisements, but this one from an Indian restaurant and entertainment chain takes the prize.
″ Club eventscam enjoy immediate f∅reigner from Roppongi Station! Grobal minx…″
The names were slightly changed in the above ad to protect the innocent and have it fall under parody laws…
… but you get the idea how the native English speaking owners and managers of this entertainment chain are having their chain pulled by their Japanese staff.
Our previous reports fun engrish advertisements include:
Would you wanna try out for the BJ League and ″Bull Fight″ for the national league of Basketball Japan?
…the International Basketball Federation (FIBA)…asigned delegates to help with a task force aimed at creating reforms to Japanese basketball. One such reform involves uniting Japan’s two basketball leagues, the National Basketball League and unfortunately named BJ-League (Basketball Japan League)…
—RocketNews24 2015/06/05: Japan Basketball Association considering prohibiting zone defense to minors
Previous reports of Japan’s fun “BJ” culture on the 3Yen include:
Meaningless automobile stickers—Talk about being dumb.
The Wakaba/green-leaf sticker legally means “Beware-of-new-driver” in Japan. It is a mark of shame that new drivers are happy to be rid of after the probationary period of their driver’s license is over.
Outside Japan, folks incorrectly use this “new driver” sticker to signify the owner’s love of “JDM”—Japan Domestic Market cars and car parts (3Yen / 2014-11-21).
Even worse, the wakeba/green-leaf/noob sticker is incorrectly used on “Built NOT bought” stickers in America, grrr.
Built NOT bought: The sticker that has more hype than substance
The Daily Star / May 22, 2015
bewildering concept of ‘Built NOT Bought’ amongst the tuning culture. Standard cars are ripped off their OEM power plants and steroid injected with power and torque juice by performance enthusiasts…
these enthusiasts slap on a ‘Built NOT Bought’ decal on their cars boasting the fact that their cars have been built (or rather perfected) by them as opposed to being bought in the current modified condition…more...
The 3Yen correspondent, the astute and always charming Yuumi-chan, has previously observed:
I remember the first time was in Southern California and I saw many Japanese Shoshinsha mark (初心者マーク) or Wakaba mark (若葉マーク) green leaf stickers. I wondered why so many Californians in their mid 20s were beginner drivers when most learn in high school.
Then I learned the Green Leaf stickers meant the drivers were “JDM” fans but I still couldn’t understand why they wanted to be identified as beginner drivers when they were pros driving tricked-out Japanese cars. Americans are so weird.
The brainiacs at Japan’s MEXT, aka Ministry of Education, Culture, Sports, Science, and Technology, have released their new advertising campaign for visitors.
For readability I resized the logo and found MEXT’s dedication to truth-in-advertising: “JAPAN HERMITAGE®”
(“Hermitage” as in place of in seclusion from the rest of the world)
Previous Visit Japan logos covered on the 3Yen include:
So which is funnier, the name or the product?
According to the above tweet, Chocolate Snatch™ is an Australian-themed koala souvenir sold in China for the Japanese market that is made to copy the Japanese product Koala’s March (see right) by Lotte Co., basically a South Korean Company.