Japetella but not Japanese

Japetella prismatica from the Report on the Cephalapoda of the H.M.S. Challenger, one of the earliest worldwide oceanographic expeditions
From the Report on the Cephalapoda H.M.S. Challenger during the Years 1873-76 (online complete collection)

I was all jazzed that this Japetella prismatica was Japanese octopus.
Sadly on page 108 of the Report, I learned it was named after “Japetus Steenstrup,” an early weeaboo wannabe.


Japan Fappy™

fappy-catalog quoter leftRemember you're in Japan. Everyone here still faps by fax.quoter right
—The Hopeful Monster (@SublightMonster) March 18, 2015

Be sure not to miss the previous 3Yen reports on Japanese fapping technology:
. . Japan’s ‘W-FAP’ for waxing your banana (3Yen / 2014-10-24
. . ‘Talk to the hand’ (3Yen / 2012-04-14)
. . Handroid — robo-hand (3Yen / 2011-09-03)
. . Fist of Japan (3Yen.com / 2009-06-30)
And the all-time favorite…
. . Wanker Expo (3Yen.com /2007-08-01 )
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . WANKERING MACHINES IN ACTION at the Adult Treasure Expo AET 2007

Japanese lacking proper posteriors have…


Lacking proper posteriors*, flat-assed Japanese have opted for creating derriere-shaped melons!

Japanese Farmer Mitsuo Shibata Grows Butt-Shaped Watermelon
The Huffington Post | 09/05/2014
conjoined watermelons are common enough in Japan that there is a specific phrase for them: “futago suika,” which translates as “twin watermelons.”


The above video is not to be confused with the naughtyNSFW video, Watermelon-vs-Butt, at: http://youtu.be/1imL5zGD_h0

Square Watermelons ‘All the Rage’ in Japan (not)

Although not a hoax, square watermelons are not exactly new or ‘All the Rage’ in Japan as the KEYC News report below claims.
These melons have been around—or squared off so to speak—for the past 30 years as an odd speciality gift for Japan’s traditional season of bribery called Ochugen/ochugen bribe season japanese kanji (3Yen / 2005-07-18).
square melons


Square Watermelons all the Rage in Japan
KEYC Mankato News, Weather, Sports / June 27, 2014
they have received 114 orders from Canada so far. An official of JA Kagawa said he wants to increase the amount of production capacity and expand the supply for overseas.

fuku-chan melons

said-openHow do ya like dem melons?said-closed (3Yen / 2009-06-14) and other ancient stories of square watermelons of Japan on the 3Yen include:

The mighty Japanese Navy protects with a what?

With a measure of whimsey, “Elizabeth“—the Phalanx gun system of the JDS Kirishima (DDG-174)(Wiki) protected the Saturday Open House at Yokusuka Naval Base in Tokyo Bay.
The Kirishima was one of five Kongo-class guided missile destroyers of the Japan Maritime Self-Defense Force (JMSDF) gathered at Yokusuka in preparation for a crucial mission… Yokusuka-base Elizabeth

That “crucial mission” was Saturday’s navy curry contest.

MSDF armada masses; first order is curry contest
The Japan Times | April 18, 2014
One key mission of a group of 15 Maritime Self-Defense Force warships, including four of the nation’s six state-of-the-art Aegis destroyers…gather Saturday at the MSDF base in Yokosuka …[for]… a curry-cooking contest.

Elizabeth” is of course much more than just a Phalanx gun of a Close-In Weapons System (CIWS).
From the popular manga and anime series “Gintama” (Wiki), Elizabeth is the alien companion “animal” of Katsura, the hero of the series. Elizabeth is actually a general of:
quoter leftThe Renho race of mercenaries that specialize in covert operations, and who act as pets for numerous Earthlings in order to prepare Earth for an invasion (gintama.wikia.com).quoter right

Because of its resemblance, the Japanese navy has decked out their Phalanx as “Elizabeth” in much the same way the US Navy has nicknamed it “R2D2″ and the Royal Navy calls it a “Dalek” after the alien villains of the “Doctor Who” TV show (reference).

Elizabeth chained white space is good for the soul
Gintama Elizabeth
keychain figure
key ring cute version
figurine silicon

white space is good for the soul

white space is good for the soul
If you’re still curious about Elizabeth and Gintama the Motion Picture(R), check out our previous report:

Japanese bio-terror comes in seaweed, red bean and mayo flavors

(3Yen / 2013-06-15)